40 and Counting

Recently I had the good fortune of celebrating my 40th birthday, a milestone event in life no doubt. As I look back on this journey, and discover what I’ve learned or more importantly, what I haven’t learned along my way, I'll share my experiences in hope that others may share their findings with me. These next few blogs entries will cover various subject matters and personal philosophies, which I believe are worth sharing others making the same trek. I encourage all readers to add comments, stories, etc.

Our loss is also our gain
My first blog series is about a subject matter people my age are starting to experience more of. At age 40, many of us by now have experienced the loss of loved ones. Parents, siblings, childhood friends, co-workers, and for some of us, even our own children have come and gone from our lives leaving us with both voids from their absence, and a fullness from the impact they made on us while they were with us. My own understanding of this loss includes all of my grandparents, several aunts & uncles, cousins, good friends, old teachers, and co-workers. I’ve also experienced the hurt my wife has gone through, and my utter feeling of futility during the times when she lost her grandmother, and a grandfather she was very close to. It is no doubt that losing loved ones is something we’ll become more familiar with as we grow older. However, no matter the occurrence each of us will experience, the intensity of hurt and emptiness remains constant and ever so present each time we lose someone in our lives.

What I haven’t learned?
Well, even though I’ve experienced loss, I continue to struggle with the fact that we’re all mortal. Evidence of this can be found in my lack of urgency to keep in touch with all of the people that I’ve grown to know or love throughout these years. I’m not proud to say it, but this even includes members of my own family of which I’m convinced will be around forever. Words of wisdom, I hope we’ll all follow in the future…stay in touch, and enjoy time with those you’ve come to know, like and love. For reality is…someday you won’t be able to.

What have I learned?
I’ve learned that loss, although hard to cope with at the time, will eventually turn to gain. This “gain” resembles the impact these people have had in my life, and the legacy they’ve left behind for all of us to ponder. Throughout these 40 years, each of the people I’ve lost has helped build the castings by which I’ve been molded to resemble. Personality traits, senses of humor, facial expressions, sayings, interests, and yes…even that damned ole hat of mine, have somehow been imposed upon me by the impact these people have made throughout these years. I am who I am, because of all of these people. It is for this reason I want to leave an impression on people that maybe…just maybe will be a good example or trait worthy of handing down to the next recipients.